Seek Not Your Vocation

surrenderA vocation is a great gift. Each and every one of our hearts have been created in a unique way to receive His love and love Him in return. But there is a huge tendency to get caught up in the vocation itself. We drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out the plan, the details, and everything else.

In the bigger picture, our vocations are preparing us for something bigger. Whether we are called to be a priest, a wife, a sister, a monk, a husband, or anything else, ultimately we are called to be saints in Heaven. We are created for happiness. We are created for God Himself. But I would like to suggest that seeking our vocation is the wrong approach.

Seek a surrendering heart.

That’s right. A surrendering heart. I know, sounds scary. Let me break it down.

Jesus wants to fulfill every desire of our hearts. The big things, the little things, and the “everything in between” things. He desires our hearts. To fulfill those desires, He has designed our hearts in a perfect way, with a perfect plan for each heart. He has a vocation for each of us and that is a great gift. Our very hearts are treasures to Him and even the sight of our hearts is a delight to Him. Through our vocation we are in our individual way able to give Him the gift of our hearts either through our spouse or directly to Him.

For my last birthday, my friend gave me a little box with a lock and key. It is a beautifully decorated blue box and you can tell it’s special as soon as you look at it. But if my friend hadn’t also given me the key to the box, it would just be pretty and stop at that. I wouldn’t be able to see inside, I wouldn’t be able to make use of the box for its original purpose, the purpose for which the carpenter made it. Similarly, we might give our hearts to the Lord, but if we don’t give Him an open heart – a surrendered heart – there’s not a whole lot He can do with it. He will always delight in us and see us as beautiful, but He wants so much more for us than that! He wants us to have life to the full!

It’s the scariest thing, but when we give Him our open heart – open with the desires, longings, ugliness, and beauty – He will fill us.

Seek not your vocation. Seek a surrendering heart – surrendering to Him – and allow Him to lay your path of love and life out in front of you.

Hold Still

sic_deus_dilexit_mundum_1Remain in Me.

This has been a theme of my spiritual life for the past month, and I think it will continue to be. I am finding that it’s not about getting this or that prayer in, but it’s continually allowing the Lord to hold my heart. And most of the time that just means He looks at me, and I look at Him. I was praying about this yesterday, and Jesus’s words to me just kept flowing. I decided to put some of those words into song, because it was too beautiful for me not to share. Please pray this song, “Hold Still” along with me.


Look at Me and hold still. (x3)

Don’t go your own way anymore

All the fears that you hold in your heart

Let it all go, cling only to Me

Here you will find what you seek

Look at Me and hold still. (x3)

Dear child of Mine whom I love

Oh the delight in My Heart

The depths of My thirst, My longing for you

Open your heart to My Love

Look at Me and hold still. (x3)

I delight in you now

Look over at Me

You are Mine


Long car rides and breaks from school are funny things, and they very much lend themselves to reflection. Considering the 37 hours I have spent in the car in the last two weeks and the fact that I am finally on Christmas break, reflecting has been something I have been doing a lot of.

As I reflect on the last weekend, the last week, the last month, the last semester, and the last year, there is one idea that comes to mind…


I usually think of home as the house I have lived in my entire life. But as I reflect on the past 12 months, I realize that I have only spent 2 months (not consecutively) in this place. I have been to 7 countries and 10 states in those 10 months I spent away from this house and that is a crazy reality. I found the Kartause in Austria to be home. I found St. Thomas More hall to be home. I found each host family’s house I visited this summer to be home for the week I was there. And I find this house I have lived in for so long to be home now while i am here. But if all of these places became “home” to me…

What is home?

A place of safety. A place of unconditional love. A place to grow.

But the thing is, I am starting to realize that this is not a physical place. Yes we are safe, are loved, and can grow in physical places and we absolutely have to as a part of our growth as human beings. We put our guards down and grow in our homes and with our families and that is a beautiful thing. In the past year I’ve made quite a few physical places home and grown there beautifully. I always look forward to growing here with my family at my house. But sometimes that isn’t the case. Sometimes we don’t receive unconditional love in our homes, sometimes we don’t feel safe. Sometimes we find our heart is stuck between two places and don’t know where to call home anymore.  And so I would like to go beyond all this.

I would go so far to say that home, in the truest sense, is a relationship. And ultimately this relationship is with He who created us. When we are living in relationship with Christ, we are home. We are safe because He is providing for us no matter where we may be physically. We are loved unconditionally by the only One who is able to love in that way. We grow more and more into who He created us to be – an image of Himself.

This relationship can be lived in a variety of physical places, but these things can pass away. He remains.

And so, this world can never truly be home. The closest we will come to Him is Heaven, and so this world should be seen as a journey towards, or practice even, for that. Heaven, my friends, is our true home. This is what we were created for and our longing hearts will never be satisfied until we are in Him. Enjoy the place you are in, but this is not all there is.

You were made for the eternal. You were made for Him. Put your guard down, let Him make His home in you.

Let us go forward in peace, our eyes fixed on Heaven, the one goal of all our works. – St. Therese of Lisieux